Nth much to post anyway.
So here are some jokes to keep some people alive~
10 things that YOU don’t want to hear during Surgery
1. Has anyone seen my watch?
2. Should be fine...
3. Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what’s that?
4. Hand me that… uh… thingy over there.
5. What do you mean he wasn’t in for a sex change!
6. Damn, there go the lights again…
7. Everybody stand back! I lost my contact lens!
8. What do you mean, he’s not insured?
9. Let’s hurry, I don’t want to miss my dinner
10. Oops!
Bird
There was this guy sunbathing in the nude at the beach. Well, this little girl comes up to him, so he covers his private parts with a newspaper.
The little girl says, "What's under there?"
So the man answers, "A bird."
The girl goes away and the man falls asleep. When he wakes up; he is in a hospital and in great pain.
A doctor comes up to his bed and ask, "What happened?"
The man answers, "I don't know. I was at the beach and I fell asleep after talking to a little girl."
So the doctor tells this to the Police, and they go to the beach to find any witnesses.
When they go there, they saw the little girl the man was talking about. So they ask her if she did anything to the man.
She answered , " I didn't do anything to the man, but while he was sleeping, I played with his bird. After a while, it spit at me, so I broke its neck, burned its nest, and smashed all its eggs.
Three Kinds
A family is at the dinner table. The son asks his father, "Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?" The father, surprised, answers, "Well, son, there's three kinds of breasts. In her twenties, a woman's breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her thirties to forties, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. After fifty, they are like onions." "Onions?" asks the boy. "Yes," said the father, "you see them and they make you cry." This infuriated his wife and daughter so the daughter said, "Mom, how many kinds of cocks are there?" The mother, surprised, smiles and answers, "Well dear, a man goes through three phases. In his twenties, his dick is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his thirties and forties, it is a birch, flexible but still reliable. After his fifties, it is like an old Christmas tree." "A Christmas tree?" "Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are for decoration only."